Poetry

Let’s farewell each other

I dreamt my future with you, but you shattered my dream.

With all those broken pieces recollected, I still loved you.

But you know something, now we should stop.

These broken pieces of my heart pierce like a thin needle and it hurts even more.

I think it’s time to bid a farewell to this relationship which was my dream but that could never be a reality.

I know, I will be broken when you leave but I am broken even now, so what’s difference.

If we don’t have a future, we shouldn’t be together now. Parting always hurt but I have no option than gulping this grief alone.

Present is not only the thing that matters…

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Copyright © 2017 – 2020 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

Poetry

The waves of our destiny

Once again, I dream in vain
just longing for you
you and I meet by chance
couldn’t you be my side even if it’s just for once
a wish of a hopeless heart
can’t you reach out your hands to embrace me
can you hold me like before and wipe my tears

I can’t send you away, there’s a hurting smile
my heart aches
will you ever know, deep down I can’t even breath

I lay wide awake, not a single sign of sleep
here’s this midnight whispering me
our fate that awaits our departure

My wandered heart would calm down
if only I could see you again

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Copyright © 2017 – 2020 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

Poetry

Reluctant step

You are a happy feeling in my life
and this feeling is irreplaceable
no one is ever going to make me feel like you did
I am afraid, I won’t feel for any one other than you

I know, eventually you’ll move on
and I will be there where you left me
with a false hope of your arrival
And I am reluctant to make a step forward

Yet knowing the fate, I still smile when I see you

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Copyright © 2017 – 2020 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

Poetry

A constant reminder_December

Dear December,

I have a mixed emotion about you, a joy a happiness and an end, a constant sadness in me.

The breeze that touches me when I close my eyes and think about him, and you are here again dear December. You both are so alike, which abandon me and mark end to my happiness.

The rain drops which touched me are now just a plain water pouring and reminding me of him when we hold each other in rain, happiness always flowed, but not now.

He says I ll be ok, it’s just a matter of time, but dear December you know me how lonely and sad heart I have, still I try to understand him, leaving behind my happiness and thinking about his wishes.

I don’t know, what am I supposed to feel now? shall I forget him, which is next to impossible.

How am I supposed to stop these tears which comes without even me knowing.

I am a lost soul now.

Did he die like I do, was it hard on him too.

I have a stubborn heart for not bidding him farewell just like you dear December when I know he is already gone.

beach blur clouds dawn

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Copyright © 2017 – 2019 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

Poetry

To the girl who will love him next

I think I need to apologize for the title. Sorry. It’s to the girl, you who never left from his life and I was just some option who could let his hurt heart mend, which eventually made him able to forget you, your betrayal towards him for while. He was just so madly in love with you. Basically, my introduction is I was someone who filled the void that took place because of your absence in his life and heart.

This letter is to you girl, who was his life support, the reason for his future, his entire happiness which unfortunately he had never felt for me when he was with me, though he is my entire universe. Hey girl, don’t leave him this time now. All he wanted in his life was just you all the way since the first day he met you, even when you broke his heart and even now when months have passed by after your break up and you guys have regular communications now with proper deletion of messages just to mark surety that I won’t be able to find out. But his ignorance, rather say he prioritized you over me, when my messages were delivered but remained unseen, it continuously made me realized, I was nowhere. As he already knew, I can’t handle, he never told me his communication truth with you until the time I asked him myself. And, he never lies. But can do things that hurt me.

Here’s something about him.

He is a sensitive kid, who would get healed just with a simple tight hug. He is sometimes little stubborn angry baby, so all you have to do is give him proper attention and hug him, he will automatically fall back for your gesture.

Here’s a cautious, don’t you ever ignore him, not even in your dreams.Make sure of it.

When he is mad, don’t tell him you care, show him. You don’t need to say in words to him everyday how much you love him and how much he means to you, you have to show it. Actions matters more to him than words.

When he says not to talk to someone, he actually means it. But, later he will come back and say no, I just said out in anger, you can talk to anyone you like. So please maintain the distance with one whom he dislikes. Believe me he is good at knowing people and their intentions.

Don’t send him any long messages, he’ll never read it properly.

He pretends like nothing hurts him. He is good at hiding his hurt emotions and he’ll only show you his strong side but deep down he cries. I had seen tears in his eyes and it hurts me the most. His eyes, I am telling you those are never meant for gulping tears. Please take good care of him.

When you look into his eyes, you’ll figure out how to read them. The shine in his eyes when he talks about something he loves most like football game with his friend or when he shows his old sketches. The dullness in his eyes when he’s upset, and it haunts.

When I did something that irritated him, he raises his eyebrows and gives me a look that says wait, stop it now or I’ll eat you alive later, I pretty much get scared every time he did that. And when it was my turn, his eyes which technically says sorry and I get melted away. It’s all in his eyes. He has the world’s best eyes, and I love them.

His kisses are gentle at start and sloppy as he is into it. Those lips taste like happiness. Whenever I am in kitchen, preparing something for him, he wraps his hands around my waist and gives me a hug, and a kiss on my cheeks, that feels like heaven.

When you’re low, tell him. He won’t understand himself. You need to make him know, what’s going on your head. Trust me, he is super good at healing but only after yelling you for getting tensed over something which was really not any worth. I had it experienced multiple times. I love this healer.

He doesn’t ever stay mad for long. So don’t worry. When he is upset just hold him tight and kiss on his both the eyes, it will do the rest of the melting thing for him. Cheerful him is back again.

As I fight with him over something and usually it’s nothing at all as he says, and it’s a fact too. He is tired of explaining and he calls me skeptical. And when the things turn around, which sometimes does, he gets mad over something that’s really not important thing, it’s funny, he never admits being skeptical. So, just let him tell what he wants to.

Never underestimate him, he knows more than anyone anything, he is Mr. Know Everything.

When he says yes, he means it and when he says no, don’t you dare ask again. It’s a clear NO.

His smile is one of the amazing sights on this world.

He is super good. I got to sleep with his songs he sent me as an audio clip. His moon dance is pretty awesome, have you ever seen him dance? He loves it.

You know something, his tik tok videos are pretty adorable and funny. Please don’t ask him not to make any tik tok video in the comments as he will listen to you and delete those videos which you don’t like. He still listens to you attentively. For this, I lose a chance to see his extreme funny expressions just like a kid that makes me smile even though he is not around.

Never hung your phone on him, especially when he is calling you. There’s a strict rule, mobile phone can never be on switch off mode. When he is online, don’t you dare not to talk to him. When he is still taking and not completed yet, don’t slam up door right in front of his face, even though how much angry you are because at the end this 7 year kid will go crazy. So, handle his mood swings much better and he is worth every single effort of it and pampering him makes own’s heart at ease, mine heart did.

I love to see his eyes glow when he is done talking about every disappointment which he has for me but at the end he was always back. I love him for everything. I still do.

Don’t stress him much, his migraine hurts him like a hell. I had a balm spread over his forehead and let him rest on my chest for a while with a pin drop silence that gets dismissed by his voice, which says I am doing better. It always took about a minimum of an hour time of my patience and his pain.

Ah! One more thing, don’t you ever let him carry you just like in movies, even though how much he insists. He has serious back problem and you are required to keep pain relief ointment and a hot water bag ready around. You might never know when he complains about his back pain.

Feed him properly, otherwise in the name of dieting, he will starve himself. Don’t ever ask him to join gym, his back won’t support him. I always wanted to go on walk with him in evenings after work. And please keep weight scale machine, he needs it every day immediately after coming home.

Here’s some health advice, never let him have an ice cream in the evenings, next morning he’ll wake up having swallowing difficulty.

Colour advice says there is no place for yellow, parrot green, pink or peach. He is a blue colour guy wearing all shades of blue tees but a blue denim jeans is a big NO.

One of the most important thing, never force him for a movie. He is not a movie guy. I hated this the most. For he is never satisfied with any except this kid’s favourite super power movies which I never liked a single bit of. Deadpool was never attractive but he went on telling about how cool the movie was.

I had few dreams to get fulfilled with him. Now, it’s all gone. Still I have peacefully kept those dreams in my heart encased with my words. I wanted to watch him while he’s doing his favourite act and that’s sketching. I promise to make a hard black coffee with less sugar on it for him every time he sketches on the sketch book I bought for him which he didn’t like still he took it with a thought that I might get angry. His hands have magic to turn a blank paper into something preciously beautiful.

I will never forget The Christmas Eve where Santa gave me world’s best present. He hugged me for the very first time, as I was all teary, crying for some other reason, mostly because I was drunk and other reason was the cold breeze that literally made me uncomfortable. One of the finest eve of my life where we kissed, the best place I could ever visited on the nights. There we were watching stars together till midnight which I love watching the most after his eyes .

His smile feels like home and I never had second thought about his love for me until when I realized you were back in his life. I was in my own fairy tale love life with him dreaming to be his home, but I fell down and got shattered everywhere at those floors where he used to be with me and I lay there in his shoulder.

How foolishness of me for telling you all these. You were with him before, for more time than he was with me. I know you know more about him. I should’ve realize, I shouldn’t be telling you any of these, how ignorant of me.

Life is hard without him and I won’t be able to handle it. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship but he is worth it. He deserves all the happiness and wishes fulfilled. He is the one I wanted to grow old with. I don’t want to let him go. Seeing him with you with all his bright smile and happiness is far better than he being confused with his feelings for me.

I was more of a dark secret love to him with no acknowledgement in front of any one. I think at the moment you two were about to break up, he still took you to meet his friends. He is someone who could talk about every heartbreak, but never let anyone know about his break up with you, except me.

Is he ashamed of me? May be I was more of ashamed secret love affair to him. I guess.

I thought I could write a never ending letter but I am having sort of words and my mind doesn’t stop running from one corner of my head to another with all those memories of us as a flashback, where we laughed, cried, fought, cared, suggested, lived most of our happy moments and the tears, why the hell are they fighting over either to hold back or to pour still knowing the fact that he wants you to stay in his life, not me. I will make things easy for him as he would never tell me.

Me,

love, be happy. I want to see those eyes bright and shiny. (Please don’t go)

you, take care of him, he deserves only happiness.

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Copyright © 2017 – 2019 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

Poetry

A fool to find solace in his arms

In this era of showoff,

here’s me, suffering from sleepless nights of alonity

 

An imagination of his arms

wrapped around me with a forehead kiss

heals me, and I smile

 

But the realization of his last goodbye hug

never leaves my heart

his attempt to hug me, to bid a farewell

I still recollect the memory

and my attempt to hold onto him,

all went effortless

eventually he left

 

I was a fool, trying to find solace in his arms

in his words, in him

I was living a false love life

I gulp my sadness

but even it gets stuck in my throat

it’s hard to be happy,

when you are not around

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Copyright © 2017 – 2019 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

 

 

 

 

Poetry

Let’s stay together for a little while more

The moment when I leaned towards you

resting my head on your chest

and slept for a while

you heal all my loneliness

the sound of every single heartbeat of yours

grew in me even more love for you

 

this is my answer

when all you wanted to know was

what you mean to me

 

Let’s stay together for a little while more

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Copyright © 2017 – 2019 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

Poetry

I wish I run out of memories

Last night, I wrote another poem about you

this again calls for some more heartache

scattered pieces of my heart

I wonder will it ever give you any sleepless nights

I always burn myself enough to get a peaceful sleep

 

I still remember, it just seems yesterday

when all you wanted was just to leave

I asked myself where I went wrong

and you cared own self and eventually left

without even having a glimpse of what I would be without you

 

and yet, as a fool I only think about you

I think about us every single day

 

I wish I run out of memories

of all those hurt and heart break

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Copyright © 2017 – 2019 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

 

 

Poetry

A patience listener to your love tales

He loved to write

 

late at midnight, I lay awake

waiting for him

and there he finishes reciting his songs to me

and I smile

 

When I hung up the phone, deep down I am hurt

he’ll never know

I wanted him to write for me, not for her

 

I just couldn’t risk to look into his eyes directly,

to fall every time

for I know you’d never feel the same

and there I’m a patience listener to your love tales

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Copyright © 2017 – 2019 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved

Poetry

Eloping from your memories is my failure

There’s a space in my heart, that continues to ache for your presence

the words are silent, still there’s so much left to be said

most days, you’re both here with me, and away too

 

It’s just the poetry where heart breaks are beautiful

 

Here’s a tear that brim but refuses to pour down cheeks

you already left

I realized it, even when you were standing right beside me

and this breaks me even more

 

Was I like any drunk promise you made

at midnight without love

under the same sky, but torn apart

 

Eloping from your memories is my failure

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Copyright © 2017 – 2019 Nirja Gelal, Beans, Pen & Nirja – All Rights Reserved